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Working it out….

Been blogging this past month, but doing most of it as “private” while I try to work out. Gone from complete and utter frustration, to acceptance of the fact that while I want to build something for my community, the community may just not be there. I have strong supporters, but in the end, that this is something I have to do myself and I can’t really rely on anyone else to help save the studio but myself.

So, now that I am done having my personal little pity party I am back to digging in my heels, “pulling myself up by by bootstraps” and will find the strength to get through this. Either it works out or it doesn’t and there is no point in whining in the meantime, right?

2011 12 26 perlgurl dance Comments (0) Permalink

Sad

Struggling today with being positive about the fate of the studio for the upcoming year. This reminds me of how I want to be, regardless of if the studio stays open or not.

http://dancelifetv.com/index.php?episode=121

2011 12 01 perlgurl dance
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Reaching out can be hard to do….

I know I need help, but one week later and I am still trying to figure out how to put it into words. Have gone through more than my usual minimum of six drafts now, and I still can’t get quite the words out to reflect how I feel. It either sounds too whiny, bitchy, or full or despair.

Maybe that is because it is all of the above? Back to my retreat of solitude to try to work it out…

2011 11 29 perlgurl personal life Comments (0) Permalink

Friday, with much suffering.

Today would be one of those times I am envious of folks who can take prescription pain meds and medications without any kind of side affects. Sadly, I am not one of those people. And it seems I grow back wisdom teeth (yes, I know they don’t actually grow back, but dentist is thinking I have a second one that took the first one’s place). Either that or I am confused about which one was removed and subsequently put me in the E.R., which I rather doubt……

It all started with a sharp pain in my upper left side of my mouth, tooth number 15 to be exact, the day after my birthday. Went to the dentist and found out I needed a root canal and since tooth number 14 needed to have the metal filling replaced, they figured they would do it as part of the two-step procedure.

Root canal went surprising well. I even taught two classes that night and felt fine.

Fast forward three or so weeks and I go in to get the permanent crown cemented, while also having the metal filling replaced with amalgam. That procedure seemed to go well enough as one can expect. That was a Wednesday, just 5 days before Halloween. On Halloween I went back for a minor adjustment to the crown that seems to be riding high and/or bumping into the new filling and make my bite off just a bit, feeling otherwise fine.

One week later I was back in the dentist with issue with pain in the upper quadrant, as well as suffering from weird hot flashes and cold sweats that even kept me awake one night. Hubby and I figured I had an infection of some sort so I went back for a second follow-up. Not sure what was going on, but thinking 14 might need a root canal, dentist sent me home with a penicillin script.

After one full day of of taking the penicillin, my mouth and throat became sore, a common/known side effect. Decided to wait another day before I did anything. Work up today and my mouth was on fire, my glands swollen, and the total opposite side of my mouth, the back of my mouth were I thought I had a wisdom tooth pulled was sore and swollen. GREAT.

Back to the dentist, but since my dentist is out of town I get referred to his brother-in-law (found out after the visit was over). Seems I either had a second one that is irritated, or I forgot which side of my mouth was traumatized a decade ago. Either way, they send me home with a new script for an antibiotic that “most people don’t react to” and instructions to clean the gums over the wisdom tooth better with a wee little toothbrush they give me.

Oh, and I have used up my dental insurance allotment for the year so this visit and x-ray fee comes straight out of pocket.

Sigh.

2011 11 11 perlgurl personal life Comments (0) Permalink

Staycation thus far

On day three of our stay at home vacation this week. I get to spend time with my hubby before the madness of a set schedule teaching 6 or possibly 7 classes next week, running the studio as well as an almost full time job starts back up on Sunday. We are totally acting like tourists this week!

Saturday:
Farmers Market
Mary and Beau’s Wedding Reception
Dinner at Brewsters
Indoctrination of newbs to Torchwood

Sunday:
Clean up of garage and move nine boxes of books to man-cave (to be unpacked)
See Captain America

Monday:
Recovery of Michael-granine = Joyce gets to do some studio work
Dinner at Salmon Bake
Acting like a Tourist at Pioneer Park

2011 09 05 perlgurl Life In Alaska
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My thing, for me.

Meditation

When my daughter was 12, I started dancing, on what I would call, a fluke. She was growing up, and needed mom around less, I had gotten through college and other than being mom, l was “only” working a full time job. Suddenly I had some time to myself and wondered, what do “I” like to do for fun? I had nearly forgotten what I enjoyed, and had to seek out a new ‘thing’, just for me. I found dance class, and rather enjoyed it. My daughter wanted nothing to do with it, and that was alright with me; I finally had “my thing, just for me”.

It was my thing for few years, then it grew into something bigger than just my thing as I took on different roles in the dance; first teacher, then troupe director, and then studio business owner. These days I frequently feel like I have lost most of the joy that used to find in dance. I still love to teach, and dance, but having to teach to pay the bills, and having to perform to promote the studio and my classes is emotionally draining. This has entirely to do with the venture of taking on opening a small business related to dance and trying to make my “thing” be a self sustaining business. Not sure where this will be in a year, but for now, I need to sustain it due to the business obligation I made on the space I lease. The past few weeks have been so hard, and I fear that when I am free of my commitment i will disappear from the dance world for some time. Maybe that is the way of things…..

In the meantime, life goes on, and I have spent much of the summer gardening, and have found it to be my new thing. I am alone with my thoughts, no one wants to help, or participate, or tell me how to run, and there is no stress about it, asides for the feelings of guilt for not having enough time to care for it properly. As I weeded my much neglected garden today, I thought about how much I enjoyed the calm sense of mind I felt from digging in the dirt and watching the bugs scuttle around. Dance used to make me feel this way too…..

2011 08 26 perlgurl personal life Comments (0) Permalink

Universe: I am listening, I just don’t yet understand.

On this Day in 2009

I noticed this last night as I check my e-mail and social network stuff after class. Interesting how, on the same day that I was feeling frayed and raw emotionally, I see that just two years earlier I was so happy about the this that has me in my current state.

2011 08 26 perlgurl personal life Comments (0) Permalink

Feeling fragile

Feeling very fragile these days; it’s actually been like this all summer. Stress does not help. Need to remove stress, but main stressor is staying in business and closing is not an option, at least not for another year. I hope my brain and my heart are strong enough to endure another year. My emotions certainly aren’t…..

2011 08 25 perlgurl personal life Comments (0) Permalink

An adventurous anniversary

To celebrate our eight year anniversary, I planned a couple of surprises. First was a banjo for Michael, he has been wanting one for quite some time now, and the opportunity just presented it so I grabbed it. I surprised him with it on our anniversary which occurred this year on a Friday night. We had planned to go to dinner and so after work he came home to get ready and he hopped in the shower. This presented me with the perfect opportunity for launching a surprise, so that when he came from the shower it was on the bed. He did not notice at first but I was hiding in the room and got to see he initial reaction; the smile on his face was so beautiful to see, I could tell he was immensely pleased. Looking forward to him starting lessons!

We went to dinner and tried a place called El Tapatio on South Cushman. We started with a shrimp quesadilla that was amazingly delicious, I enjoyed a glass of Horchata that may have been the best Horchata I have had since I used to get homemade Horchata in Mexico back when I lived in Southern California. For dinner I had an awesome and huge seafood burrito and Michael had Halibut fajitas.

For Saturday I had planned an ADVENTURE. This involved outdoor playing in the snow, and I really wanted to go snowshoeing, something I have not done in nearly 9 years since I left Colorado. I have dragged my snowshoes in my moves from Colorado, to Florida and all the way up to Alaska, and thought it was time to get them out. I had planned to rent shoes for Michael, but the local shop did not have some for a guy of his size, and as luck with have it I found a pair of snowshoes for Michael on craigslist just in time for our adventure (no easy task since he is a big man and needs shoes for over 250lb) and surprised him with them on Saturday morning.

We went to breakfast at Sam’s Sourdough diner and while I found I did not like their sourdough pancakes, and the Spanish omelet was pretty unexceptional (I really prefer the Five Alarm omelet at the Diner, located downtown by a long shot), it was an adventure and I wanted to try something new.

breakfast
We then went and got him some trekking poles, and then headed up to Wickersham Dome Trail, just 28 miles past Fox which is very close to where we live in Fairbanks. We really had a great time, and spent over 3 hours on the trail.

Michael

Of course, I had to try to adventure off the trail and I quickly fell and got myself stuck pretty early in our adventure. Sometimes I even amaze myself and the predicaments I can get myself into!
Joyce

We made it to the Ski Trail Loop crossing, and even ventured up that trail a bit, which was a really nice change from the much groomed trail that we spent most of our time on due to the snow machines that went on the main trail.

Looking at the map it is obvious we have a lot to explore and I hope we can get out there again before the snow melts this spring but April is a busy month for me…..

map

All in all a great day, with only moderate soreness from the adventure.

Full pictures can be found here

2011 04 03 perlgurl Life In Alaska
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Taxes, lung brush and sled dog racing

March 2011: Dog sled races downtown

Spent most of the week finishing up bookkeeping for the business taxes, and ineffectively fighting off the crud that seemed to make its way through my classes of late. Attempted to teach two classes last night, and met with some success and only two major coughing fits. Hope that this passes quickly since it seems the lung brush is not a real invention yet, and yet I need my lungs even when I try to take it easy in class.

One of my two monitors finally decided to die this week, making the bookkeeping bit tedious, but I have two beautiful matching new ones thanks to my generous hubby who insisted I get them and was not willing to let me revert to a CRT (I was willing too!)

In other news, I saw dog sled racing for the first time today. Only in Alaska could there be a Belly Dance Studio and a dog sled race on the same street.

2011 03 18 perlgurl Life In Alaska Comments (0) Permalink