It might not look like much, but it took a 45 minute MRI and another hour and a 1/2 at the doctor for them to tell me they don’t really know what’s wrong with this poor hand, but let’s shove a needle fill of steroids in your wrist to see if it helps.
And apparently this is going to hurt really, really badly later and for up to 5 days. Because the last 3 days of crying have not been enough.
It’s been over a month since my wrist started hurting and it’s much worse at this point. I spent most the the past two weekends in pain and most of this past one I was either at the edge of tears or actually sobbing.
I was supposed to have a followup for my shoulder today and PT, but when I called to confirm the doctor appointment they said it was rescheduled for tomorrow. No one asked or told me it was rescheduled and had I not called to check I would have fought -30F temps to get to an appointment that did not exist.
This also happened for my appointment last Monday too, which is why I figured I should call to check.
I had also scheduled my normally on Tuesday PT today around this appointment today, but since my hand hurts so much I can hardly use it I canceled the PT today. I probably should have gone, but I’m too tired and painful to deal. Everything is setting me into fits of sobbing and I really don’t want to have a meltdown at PT.
I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow. Hopefully with that information we can get to the bottom of my wrist and hand pain. I’m tired of being at a 7.
After my first backpacking adventure last summer where I carried way too much weight, got soaking wet, and had an experience that some would say would turn them off backpacking forever, I’m somehow determined to do a couple of trips this summer. But my recent shoulder surgery has made me ever so much more mindful of what I will physically be able to do so I’m trying to lighten my load. By changing to an ethically-sourced down sleeping quilt and a lighter-with tent I’ve shaved four pounds off my base weight. Those are also going to be my most expensive items too I suspect.
I think I will shop for a lighter backpack since my current one is over 4lbs, but I want to try it on in person and need to wait for my shoulder and arm to be more healed up since I’m only 8 weeks out post-surgery and can barely lift up my arm to put on a hoodie. I am not going for ultra-lightweight and I like to take my camera which adds about 4-5 lbs, but I think I can still get my base weight closer to 23-25lbs.
I wanted to be a Zoologist when I grow up. Now that I am working from home due to COVID-19 I get to observe (albeit my own) animals during the day and feel like I have somewhat fulfilled my childhood dream.
Yesterday we found out that the man who was sentenced to 10 years for the death of my daughter is already out in a half-way house and wanted to be released with an ankle monitor so for some sort of legal reason they had to notify us. But on a Sunday? That seems odd.
Part of my wants to find him and make him mortally pay for my loss.
Part of me blames the lack of justice system with catch and release, especially since apparently this was not his first time with a DUI.
It has not even been four years since she was taken from me and he’s already moving on with his life while I’m still stuck mourning.
I used to very rarely cry. Now I’m sitting at my desk balling my eyes out thinking about missing her since its Halloween and this was one of the holidays we used to really enjoy together, even when she was an adult.
How can my heart hurt so much?
Posted inUncategorized|Comments Off on Feeling like my heart is breaking
Home all week with a virus brought into work by a coworker. Fever, coughing fits and sleepless night due to yet another inconsiderate person coming to work sick and spreading plague.
The more horrifying part of this stay has been watching how horrible my fellow humans, women especially, have responded to the most recent shitshow that our country calls politics. Horrifying and terrifying to watch more horrible acting people get rewarded for inappropriate behavior and be put into positions of power.
Going back to my fantasy world binge-watching Dr. Who and quietly waiting for the end. I’m all out of fight, it seems only the bad people win.