Feb 22: Pain Beyond Frustration

It’s been over a month since my wrist started hurting and it’s much worse at this point. I spent most the the past two weekends in pain and most of this past one I was either at the edge of tears or actually sobbing.

I was supposed to have a followup for my shoulder today and PT, but when I called to confirm the doctor appointment they said it was rescheduled for tomorrow. No one asked or told me it was rescheduled and had I not called to check I would have fought -30F temps to get to an appointment that did not exist.

This also happened for my appointment last Monday too, which is why I figured I should call to check.

I had also scheduled my normally on Tuesday PT today around this appointment today, but since my hand hurts so much I can hardly use it I canceled the PT today. I probably should have gone, but I’m too tired and painful to deal. Everything is setting me into fits of sobbing and I really don’t want to have a meltdown at PT.

I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow. Hopefully with that information we can get to the bottom of my wrist and hand pain. I’m tired of being at a 7.

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Post-surgery prep for backpacking trips

After my first backpacking adventure last summer where I carried way too much weight, got soaking wet, and had an experience that some would say would turn them off backpacking forever, I’m somehow determined to do a couple of trips this summer. But my recent shoulder surgery has made me ever so much more mindful of what I will physically be able to do so I’m trying to lighten my load. By changing to an ethically-sourced down sleeping quilt and a lighter-with tent I’ve shaved four pounds off my base weight. Those are also going to be my most expensive items too I suspect.

I think I will shop for a lighter backpack since my current one is over 4lbs, but I want to try it on in person and need to wait for my shoulder and arm to be more healed up since I’m only 8 weeks out post-surgery and can barely lift up my arm to put on a hoodie. I am not going for ultra-lightweight and I like to take my camera which adds about 4-5 lbs, but I think I can still get my base weight closer to 23-25lbs.

My lighterpack list so far: https://lighterpack.com/r/xiemmp

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“Grief is wild” – Motherland: Fort Salem

I never know what’s going to trigger an emotional response. Today I sat down for lunch and to indulge in a bit of tv and ended up sobbing for 30 minutes.

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Random musings of the day

I wanted to be a Zoologist when I grow up. Now that I am working from home due to COVID-19 I get to observe (albeit my own) animals during the day and feel like I have somewhat fulfilled my childhood dream.

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A lack of justice

Yesterday we found out that the man who was sentenced to 10 years for the death of my daughter is already out in a half-way house and wanted to be released with an ankle monitor so for some sort of legal reason they had to notify us. But on a Sunday? That seems odd.

Part of my wants to find him and make him mortally pay for my loss.

Part of me blames the lack of justice  system with catch and release, especially since apparently this was not his first time with a DUI.

It has not even been four years since she was taken from me and he’s already moving on with his life while I’m still stuck mourning.

I can’t even cry. I’m just numb.

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Feeling like my heart is breaking

I used to very rarely cry. Now I’m sitting at my desk balling my eyes out thinking about missing her since its Halloween and this was one of the holidays we used to really enjoy together, even when she was an adult.

How can my heart hurt so much?

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Homestay

Home all week with a virus brought into work by a coworker. Fever, coughing fits and sleepless night due to yet another inconsiderate person coming to work sick and spreading plague.

The more horrifying part of this stay has been watching how horrible my fellow humans, women especially, have responded to the most recent shitshow that our country calls politics. Horrifying and terrifying to watch more horrible acting people get rewarded for inappropriate behavior and be put into positions of power.

Going back to my fantasy world binge-watching Dr. Who and quietly waiting for the end. I’m all out of fight, it seems only the bad people win.

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I miss her so very much

Every day, but some days hurt more than others….

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The first 28 miles

Rode 28 miles on my bike last week, between Monday, May 28th and Saturday, June 2nd.

My bike was held together somewhat with duct tape for the last eight miles.

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Denali Day 5, Wednesday July 5, A day of rest, a shower, a bear on the road and a ranger talk (no pics yet)

 

I decided yesterday after my big adventure hiking on the park road that I was going to take today easy. I slept until 10 again, had a nice breakfast of coconut yogurt with banana, some coffee, some yoga and decided I was going to take a shower since it was nice and warm and I needed a shower!

So I got out my camper shower that hooks into my propane and water system and enjoyed a lovely warm shower. The PTA baths with warm water have been a nice addition to help with staying cleanish while camping, but being able to take an actual warm shower and wash my hair makes me understand why folks like their huge RVs with the built-in showers. If I lived in an RV full time I could see myself needing that, but for now, that’s a luxury I don’t need especially since my pop up shower tent and propane shower works so well now!

After stowing all that needed to be stowed I packed up my bag and got on a bus heading for Eielson at 12:25. The driver seemed nice, if not a bit more uptight about the rules than some of the others. He wanted bear spray under the bus and reminded us every time we got back on the bus about the requirement to wear seat belts, something new that all the other drivers mentioned at least once but not too frequently this year. The bus was somber when I got on and I had to sit in the very back since the driver was reserving the front seat for his stuff and trash (but when he picked up another ranger the ranger was allowed to sit there).

Our ride out to Eielson seemed quieter than other days. We saw one bear REALLY FAR away and some caribou that was far too, but we also saw a golden eagle sitting in PRETTY ROCKS. We did see a single bear just before we go over Stony Hill heading towards Fish Creek and Eielson and he was close enough to get a few good shots.

The day was sunny and dusty, as compared to the other overcast days and though I intended to rest I got off the bus at Eielson and started walking towards Fish Creek again, but I had only made it around a couple curves when the dust started bothering me, as did my feet so I turned around and was back in time to get on Ryan’s bus again.

Our ride back was excellent. There was a bear on the road and we passed right by it so I got some amazing close shots. WOHOO!
We also encountered a caribou on the road that blocked our path for about 10 minutes so we followed it and got some good butt shots for him.  And there was another caribou just off the road and I’m pretty sure I got some good shots of him too.

As is normal we picked up hikers along the road and picked up a large group at the Tek river just before going up the big hill. We had a full bus so I decided to get out at the overlook and walk back to camp. WHY? I have no idea except I figured getting out at the Tek campground from the very back of the full bus would be harder. I am so tired now, but it’s a good tired.

 

I was back by 6:30 today so I had time to make it to a ranger talk. Ranger Bill gave the talk and it was entertaining for the most part. I did hear that a group here in the campground saw a LYNX last night so I’m still hopeful I’ll find one to photograph. I’m also thinking bike ride of Sable Pass tomorrow if the weather cooperates.

I had a lighter dinner of a big salad of tomatoes, cucumber, and avocado with some ramen. Dessert was beer, melatonin, and ibuprofen.

As mentioned before I’m going to need to break up posting my photos since there are so many.  Blog post for now and I’ll add photos as I get to them.

 

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